How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
