just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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