i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
