apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
