I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
