stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize