It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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