who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
