You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize