yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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