I just cut my nipple shaving
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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