you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
