I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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