Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
