eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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