I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ladies don't puke and tell
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
