I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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