I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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