I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wear drunk well.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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