I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
