Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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