Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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