I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
