Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
