We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
