So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
