I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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