It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
