Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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