I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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