I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
