We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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