You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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