I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
BRING THE BAGELS
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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