my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dear god my vagina.
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