you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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