anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
