the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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