note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
