I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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