oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
