Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
