the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
