OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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