im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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