so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
