got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
