I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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