as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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