I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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