I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
