did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
