Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
