I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
