He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
