You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
