I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
