Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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