i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
