so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
