I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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