the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
