I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
