Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
