I cannot find my penis.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
