oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
