I can text with my tongue
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
