new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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