he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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