wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
