a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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