Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
