I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
