She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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