I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
