just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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