what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
