was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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